Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
