at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
