babies were throwing up all over the place
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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