So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
