Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
