never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
