i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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