She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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