My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
