So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
