my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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