Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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