Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How naked do you want me to be?
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