Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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