dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
