Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
