Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
