does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
