What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
