She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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