His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I smell like Dick and happiness
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
