it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
