I wanna passion pit in your ass
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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