A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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