We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
