Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
