just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
