I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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