Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
