So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
