I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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