There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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