Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
