I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
