Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
