you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
