And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
