Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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