I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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