We're facebook friends in real life
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
