Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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