you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
