I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Holy shit dude........stairs
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
