Kiss
Puke
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
