So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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