White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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