matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
