at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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