you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
