You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
