I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
