when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
